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I pray that the day when my trials may cease, That at last I might find myself some peace. A peace so kind and warm and true, A halo of light which is shining through. This shining light is pure and good, It loves us all, just as it should. It keeps me warm and it holds me dear, This peace I long to always keep near. But for now this peace is out of my reach, The pain instead will try to preach. The life I live is one of fear, But it is love that I fight to hold dear. Pain is pain, And over again. It chooses to stay, To make me pay. But someday if my trials may cease, I pray to God I may be released.

Chapter 5: Lockie, A Eulogy My Aunt Lockie was a remarkable woman. To even begin to describe her is a daunting task. She was so many things, to so many different people. I don't really know how I can explain them all. Words alone cannot possibly represent the true essence of someone like Lockie. But, in respect of her memory, I will try my best to do so anyway. I think what many people remember my Aunt for most, was her music. For as long as I can remember Lockie sang. Her voice always had such strength to it, a soul of its own. She could sing until the cows came home (and in some cases she actually might have) and you know she loved every

Chapter 4: The Doctor , A Psychiatric Analysis Psychiatric Analysis: Patient Form Doctor ******** Office ******* Patient's name: Julie ###### Age: 18 DOB: January 22nd, 1993 Height: 5'4" Weight: 120 lbs Reason for Admittance to Program: Depression, Anxiety, and Social Phobia Doctor's Notes: Axis 1: Patient seems quiet and reserved. She acts very nervous and unsure about herself and her location. Patient constantly fiddles with a necklace or her hair. Obvious signs of anxiety. She stares of into space when not actively answering a question, perhaps disassociation. When asked about her self-esteem the patient replies that she has non

Chapter 3: The Sky was Grey, a Poem I think the sky was grey. When I dig back through the haze of my memories, Many things come to my mind, The shock, The denial, The fear, The hurt, And the numb. But now as I try to recall, Something so simple, As the color of the sky, I can't remember. Was the day clear and bright? The world continuing to turn as it crashed down around me? Was it cold and wet? Crying the tears that my heart screamed out? No. I say that the sky was grey. The sky was grey on the day that I died. ~~~ First came the call. The Television hummed in the background, Flash cards on rock cycles lay on the tabl

Chapter 2: The Speech, A Letter Dear Julie, Hey. Sorry, maybe that's a little too informal? Hello my dear young self. Eh, I'll go with "hey" instead. I never liked formalities, and I don't think you did either, so I guess I haven't changed that much. Well, what's there to say? I'm off on another one of my reflective moments, thinking back to days long gone. Days when things were simple, or when they weren't. Days when I felt lost, and days I did not. In any case this particular reflection has taken me back to a very simple, but very influential moment in my life. It may appear insignificant, but to be honest this small event, which you w

Chapter 1: The Pond, A Journal When I was little I used to go down to the pond in the woods behind my house almost everyday. Early in the morning I would leap out of bed, pull on some old jeans and my battered sneakers, then run down the hill behind my house, through the patch of woods, across the field, until finally I would reach my haven. A small patch of blue surrounded by swaying trees and grass. A cool shady grove where the heat of the summer sun was tamed, allowing the creatures underneath its glare to breath easy for a time. In the center of this pool was a small patch of land, not really an island, as one could only take 2 strides b

The burning sensation in my eyes intensified and I stood there for what felt like hours. Drops from the sky streamed down my hair onto my face and over my mouth, continuing on their downward journey to the ground below. I shivered as the icy rain pounded on my head. I could feel his eyes on my back as I continued to stare outwards into the thickening trees. We stood there for what seemed to be an eternity, while the rain kept crashing down onto our already soaked bodies. I tilted my head upwards, moving my gaze from the tree line to the sky. Dimly my mind was aware of his approaching footsteps. Ignoring the increasing proximity of our bodie

The red lights blink On and off, on and off, And as I watch them blink On and off, on and off, My mind takes me back to that day, The day I almost lost you I sat at the table clicking my pencil Click, clack, click, clack, I received a call from my mother Click, clack, click, clack, She told me you had an accident, And I froze, as the tears streaked my face In the hospital chairs we sat Tick, tock, tick, tock, Waiting and watching the clock Tick, tock, tick, tock, My thoughts were a blur, As I sat and I thought about you In ICU you laid there Beep, beep, beep, beep, And the heart rate kept on tickin’ Beep, beep, beep

Can you feel my pain? Can you see my fear? Can’t you understand, that I’m dying here? My hearts burdens, are growing more each day. And my mind begins to wonder, why I continue to stay. I want to fall. To end it all. But I won’t cause others the pain, That I myself fear to face again. You think your strong, by pushing me down, By calling me weak, and making me frown. But by living each day, I’m proving you wrong. I’m not the weak… I am the strong.